Things I Learned About My Father
I learned a lot about my family this Mother's Day. I learned how, when my Nanny (mom's mom) was pregnant with my mother, my great-grandma gave her whiskey sours to help with the labor pains. (This did not go over well with her [dick of] a doctor. [He was not a dick because he rightfully scolded her about this, but rather other actions too long to get into in a blog preview.]) Can you imagine that happening today? (My mom turned out fine, bee tee dubs.) I also learned how, when my mom was giving birth to me, my father SCREAMED at the doctor right in the middle of all the ahem, action, "WHAT THE F@#$ ARE YOU DOING TO HER?" (The doctor replied coolly, "Trying to get this baby out." ZING! And ew.) But these stories weren't HALF as good as the ones I learned about my dad when he was 17-18 years old.
