25 Going On 13

I'm 25, but I look young. This leads to a lot of confusion and awkward clarifications.

I always get carded at bars. Whatever, that's fine. Sometimes I get carded at the movies. Since I'm not going to get a student discount, that annoys me. And overall, people think I'm younger than I am. When I was working at my college's bookstore post-graduation, this was a frequent conversation that would take place.

Customer: "So, what's your major?"
Me: "It *was* political science."
Customer: "Oh, you're not a student?"
Me: "Nope, I graduated. That'll be $14.99 please."

Now, mistaking a recent college graduate for a college student in a college bookstore isn't a punishable offense. But, when you have no job prospects on the horizon, that gets old fast.

Sometimes my mistaken youth yields humorous results. Last year, I saw Norm Macdonald at my college town's comedy club. He asked me if I went to school. I said no, and I had graduated in 2007. Then, he did his whole Norm bounce and kinda screamed, "WHOAAA, YOU GRADUATED?" That was awesome.

But yesterday took the cake. I went to my local YMCA to sign up for the gym. What can I say? I've hit my personal-disgust capacity. And plus, looking hot is the best revenge. (Revenge against who? Oh, everyone, I guess.) Oh, and a red dress I really want to wear doesn't fit anymore. That one hurts.

In the summer of 2006 I went on a strict diet and a exercise routine. I lost 25 pounds (and started making out with a lot more frequency). Since then, I've gained 5 back. Not too shabby. However, I've lost any definition I once had. I'm all fluff. I need to tone! So, I'm getting out of the basement (we have a treadmill down there), and into the gym. (I'm also hoping that joining the gym will convince me to a) get out of the house more and b) shower more. A girl can dream.)

So I went up to the counter and told the woman available that I was interested in joining the gym. She looked at me and after a kind of long pause went, "Okay. Well, what do you want to know?" "Well," I replied, "how much does it cost?"

Her: "How old are you?"
Me: "25."
Her: "OH."

She then explained the pricing for my age range and offered to give me a tour of the facilities. The first stop was the family locker room.

"This is were parents can bring their children in to change. We also have an adult locker room around the corner, and that's only for adults over the age of 18. Which you are." There was another pause. "I did NOT think you were 25," she commented.

Me: "Well, how old did you think I was?"
Her: "Oh this is so embarrassing. I thought you were 13."

HOLD THE PHONE. Thinking I'm not 21 is one thing. So is thinking I'm 17, I guess. But THIRTEEN? That's almost pre-teen! That's the age demographic that un-ironically enjoys Miley Cyrus! What?! I was shocked. I've never been mistaken for someone THAT young before.

Now, I don't wear makeup. The most makeup I wear is concealer. Yesterday, unsurprisingly, I wasn't wearing anything. I also had my hair pushed back in a polka dotted cloth headband, and it had air-dried from my shower, so I slightly resembled Hermione Granger on a good day. I was wearing a red, youth Large sized teeshirt with a Japanese-esque sun on it, and plain jeans. Apparently, this look = thirteen year old. Good to know. I'm also currently reading Nancy Friday's Men In Love so the thought of dudes a) looking at me and ugh, having those kinds of thoughts while b) looking close to the age of a Disney Channel viewer kind of makes me want to barf.

I told the lady I had never been called that young before, but I'm sure when I'm 40 and looking 30, I'd be happy. Then we all laughed and moved on.

As it turns out, if I was 13, I would have gotten a free year of membership. Considering my new financial obligation, I shouldn't have opened my mouth so soon. Still learning, even at 13 25!