TV Is Bullshit

I watch a lot of TV, and a lot of it just pisses me off.

The Olympics
I'm actually not watching the Olympics, and that is because I do not care. Unfortunately for me, it seems to be going on forever. What are we on, like, Day 13 of 27 or something? All this coverage is keeping me from watching The Biggest Loser (it motivates me on the treadmill!) and all my Thursday night comedy programming. I can barely muster up the fake enthusiasm needed to tolerate the Summer games, so this Winter nonsense is killing me. And from what I hear from the people who are actually watching, the coverage isn't that great anyway. WELL DONE, NBC.

Shear Genius
How the fuck did Camilla Alves get this hosting gig? The only reason I know her is because she's Matthew McConaughey's girlfriend and popped out some kids. She can barely speak English, and her hair is usually horrible ... both qualities which make her an OBVIOUS CHOICE for host of a HAIR STYLING COMPETITION.

Also that broad with the urine colored hair and Minnie Mouse bow makes me want to reach through the screen and slap her.

Kell On Earth
Watching this show gives me stress. This week they finally fired Stephanie Voorhees (or rather, Stephanie stepped up, and forced their hand) and I'm torn. On one hand, Steph V seemed to not be able to do anything right, including basic office tasks ... like knowing how to print labels, print charts horizontally, and use proper postage. If she has so much PR experience, you'd think the office tasks would be a cake walk. It seemed like she was trying to be quiet and breeze through by delegating her work away. ON THE OTHER HAND, it seems that everyone who works in this office is so fucking miserable that they're trying to sabotage any and everyone by not explaining how the office functions. It appears to be very sink or swim, and since (apparently?) Stephanie Voorhees had only worked there for 10 days before she got shitcanned, I think a lot of fault can be blamed on the unorganized and unhelpful office structure. And the interns, oh my God. The gift bag fiasco? Yes. They were to blame for the first round of shoddy gift bagging. But since no one explained it to them and they fucked up again, WELL, that's the staffers' fault for not fixing the problem they knew existed.

All I know it, this show makes People's Revolution look like a bunch of unorganized, bitchy chumps who can't do anything without a) fucking it up first or b) freaking out about everything.

16 And Pregnant
Holy mother of God, watching this show is like watching a high speed train barrel into a pack of super cute baby animals. God oh God, why are kids so dumb today?! Why are kids such assholes?! Do they have no sense of guilt? Shame? Self-worth? Respect and responsibility? What I gather from this show is: NO.

When I was in high school, I wasn't even thinking about having sex (I made out with one dude in high school, nerd alert) so watching FIFTEEN year olds talk about "pulling out" boggles my mind. From what I gather, these kids are only worried about getting pregnant. WHAT ABOUT STDS, GIRLS?! PULLING OUT DON'T STOP THOSE! THE CLAP IS A-COMIN'! And considering the dirtbag loser assholes all these girls seem to be enamored with, they should worry.

The first episode of the new season featured Janelle, a mouthy girl with a gross lip stud (a mole earring stud? IDK, I don't even have my ears pierced) who thought she was going to be "a great" mom while she was pregnant, but then decided at the end of the episode she was going to let her mom raise her kid .... which she was already doing anyway, since Janelle was going out all time anyway! What cracks me up was when she commented how "needy" a baby is. OH MY GOD GIRL, that's because IT'S A BABY. What do you expect it to do, microwave it's own bottles?!

Then this week gave us Nikkole. Nikkole, Nikkole, Nikkole. First of all, your name is spelled wrong. It's Nicole. There. I fixed it.

Now, SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF, GIRL. Your boyfriend Josh is an emotionally abusive asshole. No, he's a sociopath. Proclaiming "he's #1" to you and fighting with your supportive mom while you're in labor was downright sickening. Along with the threats of violence, the insults, the ultimatums. But your soft-spoken baby voice made me want to shake some sense into you. I hope you will learn, Nicole, and break free from this famewhore sperm donor. Abuse isn't love!

Big Love
I started watching Big Love to fill my Sunday night cable television drama void. "It is no Dexter, but it will do," said my thought process. Well, I was wrong. This show is redonkulous and I can't stop watching because I've watched every episode so far this season and I'm no quitter!

Anyway what I find so ludicrous about this show is not the idea of a dude secretly having three wives, but the whole RUNNING FOR STATE SENATE TO SAFELY OUT THEIR POLYGAMIST WAYS plotline. The writers of this show must think the average American viewer is really fucking unaware of how the American political system works.

Now listen. I was an intern for a political campaign. Even as an intern, I knew that as a candidate for running for public office, you can't even take a shit somewhere without the opposing candidate and their staff a) finding out about it and b) potentially getting video coverage of it. So yeah, the prospect of a guy who used to live on a polygamist compound who's always surrounded by the same three women in public settings NOT being outed as the polygamist he is before a runoff election is completely unrealistic to me. I can easily declare the opposition research team for his rival is the shittiest team ever.

So yeah, Bill. Win the election. You're the Republican candidate in Utah, you will win. And then out your family. Guess what, you pompous asshole? YOU WILL BE IMPEACHED AND ARRESTED. Oh my God I truly hope this happens. He can't *not* get elected at this point, but maybe all the wives will buck at the idea of being outed? Maybe. Maybe.

And I also cannot get over that they are currently beginning a pregnancy/stolen implanted embryo B-plot (C-plot?) that was originally explored in The Omen IV: The Awakening.